Would you say un-motivated or under-motivated? Forget it I'll just put lazy.

Hello faithful reader (although it has been so long since I have updated and I guess you are more of a faithful checker then reader, but I'll give you props either way because you are the only person who will take the time to sit and check...or read). I know I have been on an extended break from the blogosphere but I've had more pressing issues to attend to.

First off I managed to successfully birth another child. If you look to your right you will notice that another little person, strongly resembling the other little people, has made the picture strip. I guess he looks a little like me too. At any rate, I now have 6 bundles of joy that require my time and attention.

He was born in late April, just in time for the rest of them to join us full time for the summer. I hate summer vacation. If I had known how hard it was on my mom I never would have enjoyed it as much as I did (although I was such a snot, I may have enjoyed it a little more). I go from being mom the locator, ATM, taxi driver, organizer, dresser, donate-ore, signer, bather, alarm clock, and room mother to mom the entertainer (because I don't care if they get up, get dressed, or can find anything clean in the summer). And I would rather do all of those other things then entertain my children for 3 months without electronic support (TV, DVD, MP3, Wii, Computer...). It was as if I had another child and all the sudden my life wasn't so funny anymore. I now know that it was all my husband's fault. My hair has begun falling out by the handfuls and I recognize the person staring back at me in the mornings. So I would say I am back to normal. The kids are back in school and now I have time to try to salvage the carpet that I know is beneath the piles of clothes, toys, and stains but instead I sit here. Utterly without motivation.

It is interesting to me that some things come to me so easily and others I have to fight for everyday. For instance, I have become quite good at falling asleep anywhere at anytime. I mean I am getting narcoleptic good. But I have to fight for a quality night sleep. I am so good at knowing what I want to say but I have to fight almost everything in me to say it in a way that doesn't leave people weeping in my wake. How did this happen?

I used to fight sleep but now, when I lay down I can't get my brain to shut off (I know I'm sleeping because my children keep walking in to talk to me) but I wake up more often and am more tired then when I began. Maybe it isn't so much that it is different then it used to be. Maybe I am just noticing it now. When you are young and single, the world is your oyster and everyday can be an adventure. When you are an old married person, every day's adventure seems like a very familiar mix of baby poo, crying, tattling, cooking, and a pronounced lack of water interaction. All things requiring patience, kindness, and love all of which are way easier to manage if you have had more then two continuous hours of sleep.

The thinking and saying one is a little harder. Like all people, I have a constant barrage of thoughts tromping through my head. Some are nice, some are not so nice, and some are downright mean. I do have a few genuinely kind and complementary thoughts but only around the holidays (not even I am immune from the holiday spirit) but let's focus on the norm. As I have gotten older (and tireder) a few things have happened.
1) My thoughts have gotten more harsh and definite
2) They get to my lips faster then they used to
3) I realize the value of good friends
4) I don't want to hurt people on purpose like I did when I was a horrible teenager
5) I hate apologizing.

Put all of these things together and it makes for one hot mess. It's like I think of something mean and in an attempt to head off the problem I blurt out an apology for something I haven't even said thereby giving my thoughts away and seeming like a crazy person all at the same time.

The presence of six kids doesn't help my case either. My oldest has been around me long enough to know what is going on so in order to keep him from explaining it to the witnesses, I have to bribe him. I now own stock in Coke. It seemed like the best way to make it a win-win (win) situation. My only saving grace is that if you are one of the good friends, you know me well enough to recognize the inner struggle and earn yourself a bribe of your own. What would I do without good friends that don't require and apology (aside from hang out with only my kids a who lot more)? In the end I have adopted the practice of sarcasm with a smile. I have found that I am very good at keeping people guessing as long as I am smiling.

The point is that I am crazy and unmotivated and therefore back. Now that I have a little free time I will be attempting to update this blog at least once a month (no point in setting an unattainable goal). In other news I (and by I, I mean my dear, sweet husband) have potty trained the 2 year old. I only share that info because she is now flashing me to inform me that she has misplaced her “pannies.” Another side-note is that I hate the word “panties.”

Have a great couple of weeks and I'll see you when I see you.