I have a rumbly in my tummy...(and a marble, 2 screws, and about 57 cents in change. Were you hungry, 'cause there is plenty to go around. I promise)

HELLO!!! It has been a while and it’s lovely to see you again. Time has flown by and here all of the sudden it is March. Not only March, but March of 2009. Where has all the time gone?

My baby is finally crawling, and any of you who have kids know what that means….You have to actually vacuum the floor regularly. So I have that to keep me busy.


It really is amazing what this kid finds in the floor. I have found things ranging from a grain of rice (though how she managed to gag herself on that particular item is beyond me. It is tiny and yet, she’ll go ahead and try to choke on it anyway) to the head of a Littlest Pet Shop dog (though in my defense, the body that the head was originally attached to is entirely too large to choke on. How was I to know that my 3 year old has graduated from cutting doll hair to popping the bobble heads off of annoyingly sweet fake animals? What mom can see that progression shaping up?).

She tends to favor things that are clear and/or shiny, and that is just aces for my 3 year old. He has discovered the joy of scissors, (I did mention the doll hair right? Those dolls, for some reason are always sans apparel, therefore destined for the garbage anyway. They are just getting there a piece at a time.) and he leaves me little reminders that I own too many pairs of scissors daily. His favorite thing to cut up is the wrappers of fruit snacks, which fit into both the clear (semi-transparent) and shiny categories.

My new favorite thing to watch is someone trying to retrieve these items from her mouth (I watch the Amazing Race as well but that is only Sunday nights at 7pm on CBS so this takes up all the empty moments).

When she sees us coming, she knows right away what it is for. First, she smiles (to throw us off or distract us from our necessary purpose). When she sees that we will not be deterred, she clamps down tighter then a 10 month old should be able to. It is like a vise grip and if your fingers get caught in those razor sharp teeth, you may have to fish those finger tips out of there as well.

Then, if that isn’t enough to deal with, she throws her head backwards and emits the distress call. The call brings every person in the vicinity that in not already involved in the struggle, to the scene instantly so that they have the opportunity to both coo over the baby and completely misinterpret the situation. All they see is this baby thrashing and unhappy with your fingers in her mouth and you gripping her head in an abusive looking manner (you have to because the “head bucking” (as I call it) is quite unpredictable and could cause her to hurt herself if you don’t grab her fast in anyway you can. If you can hold on for longer then 8 seconds you are promoted to “professional” status.)

Once the crowd has gathered, if you are not terrified at the chance she might actually swallow, you get to explain to people who think that offering advise (such as “you might want to vacuum more often” or “you should have your kids pick up after themselves a little better.”) or asking every other second WHAT she swallowed (if I knew that I wouldn’t be digging for gold) or if you got it yet (I would remove my fingers if I had, in fact gotten “it”) actually helps. She continues to wow the crowd by gagging on you fingers every now and again to keep them riveted.

When you finally retrieve the offensive mouthful and, if you are my husband, have flicked it back onto the floor so it keeps on giving. She cutely rubs her nose and begs to be picked up and held (which I suspect was the whole purpose of the charade from the beginning) which someone inevitable does. Sucker!


What is so funny is that, for a bright kid (if I do say so myself and I do), she has yet to figure out how to be stealth enough to keep the treasures in her mouth (if that is in fact what she wants). She sticks something in there and then begins to chew quite animatedly. It could be applesauce (which I do not regularly keep on my floor but, with 5 kids, I can’t say it has never happened) and the kid will chew on it for about 5 minutes. When will she learn; you’ve got to make noise (so no one comes looking for you) and suck but don’t chew. Even with all the eating of random things off the dirty floor she really is a great and very happy baby.

So basically nothing much is going on here. What’s new with you? Don’t stay away so long next time. I miss you.